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Valentine’s Day Messages for the Romantically Challenged

Valentine’s Day is a day that lovey-dovey people get a free pass to spread even more of that vulnerable and scary expression of affection; while the people who already suck at expressing feelings get worse. We can admit it, we all have our own way of communicating said emotions and nobody can judge us for that! – except for the people who are actually important to us.

We as a society want something to hold on to, as a reminder that people actually care for our truest self. What better way to do so than with a greeting card? However, we are no Shakespeare or Stephanie Meyers, so we may need some help not sounding so illiterate. Northern Exposure is here to:

  1. Provide the smoothest lines to spice up your Valentine greeting cards
  2. Keep it real – with humor!

So, we made it TOO easy with these lists of ideas to add to your cards this year!



  • I’m glad you’re as weird as me.
  • You’re my favorite blanket stealer.
  • You’re my favorite husband/wife/partner.
  • Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
  • I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
  • You repulse me the least.
  • I love you even when I’m really, really hungry.
  • I shaved my legs for you.
  • If I don’t meet your standards for Valentine’s Day, then I kindly ask you to please lower them.
  • Valentine’s Day To-Do List:
  • Be my Valentine, it will be good for your image!
  • You are my soulmate in every way…if only you had a soul!
  • There’s no one I’d rather have in my corner, or on my team…or in my bed.
  • Are you a bee-keeper? Cause thoughts of you bee-keeping me awake all night!


  • Words cannot express hummus I love you.
  • I love you from my head tomatoes.
  • You’re the peanut butter to my bread.
  • In queso you didn’t know, you’re the coolest!
  • What did one volcano say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I lava you.
  • What is better than love? Pizza. The answer is pizza.
  • This is the cheesiest Valentine’s Day message ever! Wishing you a gouda day!


  • You are so wonderful, charming, beautiful, funny and intelligent…nothing like the rest of our family! Are you sure we’re related?
  • To the world’s best mom/dad, from the child you love the most! (Don’t worry, it can still be our little secret).
  • Hope you are prepared to send me the best Valentine’s Day gift!
  • Roses are red, violets are blue. Even if you make me mad, I’ll still love you!
  • You mean a great dill to me! Thank you for putting up with me, even when I’m sour


  • We’re the same kind of crazy!
  • Thank you for being the dumb*ss to follow me in my adventures.
  • Love is when you can’t tell who the bad influence is.
  • All you need is love, but all I can give you is chocolate to get us fatter.
  • I love you, because we’re the same, and I’m the best.
  • If you feel sad that you’re alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember no one loves you on the other 364 days of the year, either.
  • You don’t need a boyfriend/girlfriend when you have all the eye candy you need right here!
  • My autocorrect changed I heart you to I hate you and now my Valentine’s Day is wide open.